My Chill is Fake

Have you ever been so stressed that you’re calm?

This is my current state. For the past couple weeks, many people have come up to me asking “Chloe you seem calmer than usual, what changed? “or “Chloe, you look less stressed, I’m liking this new you” and my absolute favourite, which is, “Wow, Chloe have you started meditating you seem Zen? and like in control, loving’ it”.

All of these statements are a result of me not in control. In fact, I’m in a state of mind where I imagine myself sitting on a chair, with my problems revolving around me maintaining me in a permanent state of shock. There are a million things that need my attention, and I’m motionlessly stunned to do them.

Over the holiday break, my time will be dedicated to clearing my mind and focusing on continuing to advertise my fundraiser. I have three interviews with CJOB 680, CTV Morning News and Global News that I am absolutely terrified and thrilled about at the same time. I will be preparing, rehearsing, and practicing my butt off to make sure I don’t do anything I’ll regret afterwards (which the odds are very high). I will also be continuing to post my flyers around the city. I have already contacted the majority of my locations and am primarily left with postering the LRSD schools. I am unsure if I’ll be able to poster the schools prior to the break (due to minor complications) and if not will be continuing after the break.

I would also like to purchase some of the door prizes that will be provided during the event. I have one of the Zumba instructors preparing a “Zumba” themed basket though I may also be asking for donations from companies to lower my final purchase amount.

During my “relaxed” break, I plan to re-organize the itinerary of the fundraiser. Due to unforeseen circumstances, I am obligated to cut one of the Peaceful Village performances during the event. I will now only have a drumming performance with only four drummers. I must find a way to incorporate this inconvenience to fit the information I delivered through advertising, letters and upcoming interviews.

Although my winter break will not be relaxed, I will make sure it’s enjoyed and celebrated. I look forward to returning prepared and refreshed to host my fundraising event.

*P. S- Did you notice that the two words that are bolded, represent the topic of this blog?

Happy Holiday’s,

Chloe Heinrichs

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Organizational Strategy

My blog post today is based on management of my organizational strategies. Now whether or not I agree with organizational strategies, these were needed and in some way convenient.  Today, I’m going to discuss which three organizational strategies I chose and my interpretations on them.

My first organizational strategy is to, up-keep my agenda weekly and to do daily reflections of my tasks that needed to be completed that day. This particular strategy, was something I am already doing in my “ABC task board”, and is something I feel wasn’t needed. The reason behind this, is that I have never missed a due date, or have not completed an assignment to the best of my ability and effort. In addition, if there is an important event, or date that I should remember, I tape sticky notes to the front page of my binder which is, a constant reminder.

My second organizational strategy is to ensure that I don’t multitask. Unknown to me, this was a stupid task to agree with. Being a full-time student that has two jobs and other commitments, my life revolves around me multitasking and focusing my attention on more than one thing at once. To the contrary, I do make sure that whichever task I choose to undertake I focus solely on that one task, and when stalled to move onto another task to avoid not getting anything done at all.

My third and final organizational strategy is to prioritize my tasks from most to least important. I can at least say that one of my organizational strategies has not only worked out it has kept to its original form. I didn’t necessarily have to apply this, or change my habits because prioritization is something I do automatically. If I happen to have an assignment due at the end of the day, all my other tasks will revolve around completing this assignment.

It’s safe to say that I may not have, up kept with my original three organizational strategies, though I have found other ways to keep myself organized. As mentioned earlier I’m someone who is organized.  Needing to create new ways for me to stay organized, may not have been necessary or a top priority, but it is always good to know there were options.

 

Until next time,

Chloe Heinrichs

Perceptions

Am I hard on myself? Ever since the beginning of Propel I’ve been painted as the girl who over stresses, always gets good marks and is practically set for life. Though most of these statements may be true to some degree, I’m a complete question mark. Some days I’m a complete mess and rely on fate to complete the day, and others I have my sh** together, it all depends on the day.

Here’s an example, for my Time to Teach I was expected to present, a presentation on a subject of my choice. Though, being the “overachiever” that I am, I decided to do the grade 12 presentation rubric instead. I worked my butt off day and night until I was completely satisfied with my end result. The day of my presentation, my nerves were shot. I had done all this work and was praying it would all pay off. Once I finished reading that last line, a sense of relief came over me, though little did I know that relief would soon be swept away. My critiques were hard to hear, the battle of perceptions from my mentors was hard to understand, and I guess this is where “Am I hard on myself?” comes into play. Hearing two different views on my presentation, it left me doubting the good marks I received. I no longer felt worthy of the marks I received and was questioning my past rubrics as well. A comment I received was how I was compared to a block of wood and shaving layers of the wood (referring to the marks) would no longer leave it strong. Other peoples’ perceptions will always play a part in my life, but that doesn’t necessarily mean my perception will be wrong.

The frame of mind I was in, I was not looking forward to my conference. The day we met, my mentors and I sat and reviewed my Milestones and Action Steps as well as my Project Timeline. Leaving the conference I was happy their perceptions were in line with mine, on how my project should proceed.

I think it is safe to say, perceptions can be positive or negative, though I will no longer let them determine who I am.

Peace out, Chloe!

“It doesn’t matter how slow you go, as long as you don’t stop.” – Unknown

Summarizing my progress from my last blog, I have found my inner motivation and am determined to reach the finish line. At first glance to this quote, one word comes to mind “willpower”. Willpower is something I’ve needed to use consistently throughout the past few weeks, and is what I would consider to be what keeps me going through my stalled moments.

Last Thursday was my first volunteer experience at IRCOM, and I couldn’t have asked for a more amazing experience. It was Arts and Crafts night, and my kids and I were extremely engaging and enthusiastic about our creation. Our instructions were to build the tallest standing structure using only marshmallows and spaghetti sticks. Exploiting our team building skills as well as communication, our group ended up winning the contest and received little rewards. Getting the opportunity to work with the kids, reminded me why I’m at Propel and who I am as a person.

Reflecting on that night, the thought of not having a project idea was consistently on my mind.  Unlike most projects here at Propel, the field I appeal is not a field in which projects pop out, it’s structured and longstanding which makes it nearly impossible to create something out of. Gradually, beginning more volunteer work, I’ve come to the conclusion that creating a project exclusively based on one aspect of immigrants is no longer possible. Beginning to feel strained and immobile, I’m worried I’m not using my time effectively and efficient to the standards I hold to myself. I’m in a state of mind where distracting myself with volunteer work, blogs and other work can no longer hide the fact I have nothing.

Referring to the quote, I demand myself to remember that “willpower” is something to thrive for and to keep in mind. As mentioned earlier, I realize that having one project dedicated to only aspect of immigrants is not possible and instead am considering having multiple “mini” projects based more generally on the organizations.

My project is moving extremely slow, and am just in the beginning stages of creating my “mini” projects. One idea in mind, was to collect used children’s books from the school family’s and to donate them to my organizations. I may also be considering doing some advertisement for the Peaceful Village located at Glenlawn Collegiate as well. Though both ideas are still just thoughts, and will not be procured until further planning. Reopening a once closed door is the sense of inspiration, and clarity I needed. I can honestly say that I’m slowly starting to feel my quirky, content and hopeful self once again.

Until next time,

Chloe Heinrichs

Roller Coaster to Independence

For this blog I am supposed to write about the challenges and successes I’ve had with my project. I feel I was unable to grow in these areas to write this blog reflecting that. Instead, I would like to dedicate this blog to the physical and emotional challenges I’ve faced throughout this week.

My week started off with a lot of hope and excitement in continuing the steps towards to my project. The goal for the week was to meet with the teachers to discuss our “project pitch” and then to begin working on our Proof of Concept.  I waited three days, and I finally met the teachers. In those three days I was starting to feel anxiety as I was still not used to the structure of the program and not used to creating our project pitch.

I started to be hard on myself telling myself, “Why aren’t they calling me up? “Is my project idea, not something they are interested in?” All these thoughts and emotions started building up and I didn’t understand why I wasn’t being called. Once it was my turn I was so relieved and thought I had an incredible meeting. After my meeting I started to see hope in my project and had it all mapped out.

One of my task list items was to meet with our Career Development Advisor to discuss how to be professional during a meeting. When I went to his office and began speaking to him, it was nothing like I had hoped for. He started off by asking me what my project idea was and how he could help. Once I began telling him my ideas, I felt as though I was receiving punches after punches constantly being put down, being repeatedly told, “You have nothing.”  After leaving that meeting I ran into the bathroom and began bawling my eyes out. I felt as though I had no one to rely on. My teachers had explained to me earlier that they couldn’t be of much help because they didn’t know my field very well.  After hearing from someone who kept telling me I had nothing and who I had hoped would support me in a positive way, I didn’t know how to move forward. I felt so lost and broken that I couldn’t bring myself to attend school the next day; I needed a break. The next couple of days I tried to solely focus on my project and continued working on it.

Towards the end of the week, I contacted an organization, and I am currently scheduled to meet with them. This week has taught me that I can’t let what other people say or do bring me down, sometimes I can’t rely on them for positive support. I need to hold my head high and continue with my project that I am excited about and do things on my own. Looking back, I can now say I see a brighter light heading my way and things are starting to look up for me.

 

Let’s Open the Door and See where it Goes

Looking back on my first few days at Propel, I have experienced a whirlwind of emotions, to feeling excited, nervous, frustrated, and curious as to what will happen next. My first day here was one of the most stressful days I’ve been through. Waking up I felt completely nervous and unable to wrap my head around the thought of going to a new school.

I arrived at school early and planned to give myself five minutes to walk to the school thus I would have another five minutes to wait for my class to begin. As I approached the school, I developed a pit in my stomach. My heart was racing, my vision was blurry and I felt nauseous. As I opened the doors, a huge wave of anxiety came over me and I repeatedly told myself that getting sick on the first day was not something I would let happen. Before going into the Propel room, I tried my best to calm my nerves, though I was not able to. I walked into the room and heard a familiar voice call my name. A friend from my home school was looking right at me. For the first time that day a sense of joy came over me.

I am finding that Propel is different from what I’m used to. Coming from a school that I would consider to be very twentieth century, I find myself to be very misplaced. We are given independence when I came from a world of structure. I feel very alone when it comes to using new technology and find it to be quite frustrating.

I’m hoping that in the coming weeks there will be more support for those of us new to the program and may have new ideas that Propel may not be familiar with. I am curious to explore my project further, and excited to see will come next.