Perceptions

Am I hard on myself? Ever since the beginning of Propel I’ve been painted as the girl who over stresses, always gets good marks and is practically set for life. Though most of these statements may be true to some degree, I’m a complete question mark. Some days I’m a complete mess and rely on fate to complete the day, and others I have my sh** together, it all depends on the day.

Here’s an example, for my Time to Teach I was expected to present, a presentation on a subject of my choice. Though, being the “overachiever” that I am, I decided to do the grade 12 presentation rubric instead. I worked my butt off day and night until I was completely satisfied with my end result. The day of my presentation, my nerves were shot. I had done all this work and was praying it would all pay off. Once I finished reading that last line, a sense of relief came over me, though little did I know that relief would soon be swept away. My critiques were hard to hear, the battle of perceptions from my mentors was hard to understand, and I guess this is where “Am I hard on myself?” comes into play. Hearing two different views on my presentation, it left me doubting the good marks I received. I no longer felt worthy of the marks I received and was questioning my past rubrics as well. A comment I received was how I was compared to a block of wood and shaving layers of the wood (referring to the marks) would no longer leave it strong. Other peoples’ perceptions will always play a part in my life, but that doesn’t necessarily mean my perception will be wrong.

The frame of mind I was in, I was not looking forward to my conference. The day we met, my mentors and I sat and reviewed my Milestones and Action Steps as well as my Project Timeline. Leaving the conference I was happy their perceptions were in line with mine, on how my project should proceed.

I think it is safe to say, perceptions can be positive or negative, though I will no longer let them determine who I am.

Peace out, Chloe!

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