For this blog I am supposed to write about the challenges and successes I’ve had with my project. I feel I was unable to grow in these areas to write this blog reflecting that. Instead, I would like to dedicate this blog to the physical and emotional challenges I’ve faced throughout this week.
My week started off with a lot of hope and excitement in continuing the steps towards to my project. The goal for the week was to meet with the teachers to discuss our “project pitch” and then to begin working on our Proof of Concept. I waited three days, and I finally met the teachers. In those three days I was starting to feel anxiety as I was still not used to the structure of the program and not used to creating our project pitch.
I started to be hard on myself telling myself, “Why aren’t they calling me up? “Is my project idea, not something they are interested in?” All these thoughts and emotions started building up and I didn’t understand why I wasn’t being called. Once it was my turn I was so relieved and thought I had an incredible meeting. After my meeting I started to see hope in my project and had it all mapped out.
One of my task list items was to meet with our Career Development Advisor to discuss how to be professional during a meeting. When I went to his office and began speaking to him, it was nothing like I had hoped for. He started off by asking me what my project idea was and how he could help. Once I began telling him my ideas, I felt as though I was receiving punches after punches constantly being put down, being repeatedly told, “You have nothing.” After leaving that meeting I ran into the bathroom and began bawling my eyes out. I felt as though I had no one to rely on. My teachers had explained to me earlier that they couldn’t be of much help because they didn’t know my field very well. After hearing from someone who kept telling me I had nothing and who I had hoped would support me in a positive way, I didn’t know how to move forward. I felt so lost and broken that I couldn’t bring myself to attend school the next day; I needed a break. The next couple of days I tried to solely focus on my project and continued working on it.
Towards the end of the week, I contacted an organization, and I am currently scheduled to meet with them. This week has taught me that I can’t let what other people say or do bring me down, sometimes I can’t rely on them for positive support. I need to hold my head high and continue with my project that I am excited about and do things on my own. Looking back, I can now say I see a brighter light heading my way and things are starting to look up for me.